I could have sworn that Ninja Assassin was based on a video game. But I was wrong. The movie was actually the brainchild of the Wachowski Brothers, who first developed this concept while producing another high-energy feature, Speed Racer. Of course, there was a lot about Speed Racer that I’ve tried to repress, if only because the special effects caused me sensory overload, not to mention a couple retroactive seizures. By comparison, Ninja Assassin is a tame visual offering, well, except for all the blood. Essentially, Ninja Assassin is to guts and gore, as Speed Racer is to bright lights and shiny objects.

But where Speed Racer was visually distracting, Ninja Assassin was audibly disjointed. It's one of those action movies where characters must not only face ludicrous obstacles, but they must make ludicrous commentaries will they do it. Clearly, this movie is not meant to be the next Citizen Kane.

Ironically, it seems to be a point of pride within the picture that J. Michael Straczynski, screenwriter of the Academy Award-nominated Changeling, performed a complete script rewrite in just under 53 hours. Really? It took JMS 53 hours to come up with fight, fight, dumb police investigation, fight, fight, tortured flashback, fight, bigger fight, end? That’s not a script, that’s an outline for a video game.

Here’s the thing though, the formula, such as it is, works to a tea. There’s enough blood and guts, from both the prop department and the CGI artists, to make even ardent Saw fans squirm in their seats. Plus, you get all the coolness of superpower ninjas, with none of the inconvenience of brain freeze. While on the subject of brains, my only real complaint about this movie, and I don’t say this often, but there was just too much talking. Somehow the dialogue, whether it be ninja clan exposition, or rogue assassin flashbacks, tends to slow the movie down to an awkward pause.

With that being said, I will now take a moment to discuss the string of awkward pauses that make up the plot of Ninja Assassins. The story revolves around Raizo (Korean pop sensation, Rain), who graduated from a secret ninja training camp with a lethal skill set, and a thirst for revenge.

You see, Raizo seeks to avenge the death of a girlfriend he met in assassin summer camp, and he spends the rest of the film killing those responsible for her murder, or something. It doesn’t really matter though, because the whole endeavour is just an excuse for wicked sword fights, and awesome splatter effects. Let’s just say that it’s also not a film for kids. Undoubtedly much to the chagrin of the family of four that was sitting behind me, Ninja Assassin is about three things: thrills, spills, and kills. If that’s all you want out of a movie, then welcome home. But if you like a compelling narrative over action, you’re up a creek without a paddle here.