Speed Racer by the Wachowski Brothers is like a headache wrapped in an aneurism at times and I, of course, mean that with all due respect. The guys that gave us The Matrix, and then kind of took it away with a pair of sub-par sequels, have now openly embraced anime by literally adapting one of its finest and famous examples. The English-dubbed Speed Racer was popular about 10 years before my time; I was reared more on Robotech and Astroboy. But that’s okay because Speed Racer kind of set the tone for how other properties from Japan were treated, pretty much right up to Sailor Moon.

These patterns are important because this Speed Racer tries very hard to emulate the aesthetic of the 10 cent kind of anime that launched a thousand imitators. The colours, the detail, the still frames, the silhouettes, the zippy music, everything but the exclamation “A-Ha” is on the table, fortunately. Much like The Matrix, Speed Racer is an incredible visual trip, while letting the mind go on autopilot without all the theological-philosophical guessing games of the virtual reality, kung-fu thrill ride. But unfortunately, that leaves us with a two hour and sixteen minute movie about cars driving, even if we play along with the gadgets and other insanity.

Speed Racer is also the name of the main character and not just the movie. Played by Emile Hirsch he’s a bit like Neo Junior, all blank stares and vaguely knowing why he’s doing the things he’s doing. He just likes driving cars and driving them fast. Can driving a car change the world? Speed’s father, race car engineer Pops (John Goodman) isn’t so sure, but Speed chimes up “Maybe not, but it's the only thing I know how to do and I gotta do something.” Racing is a family thing for the Racers; subtlety was never a strong suit in anime.

Fighting to redeem his dead brother’s rep, Speed stumbles on to a terrifying secret: racing is fixed by the richest men in the world as a kind of commerce. Speed decides to stay independent, but it’s an uphill slugfest as the forces of Mr. Royalton (Roger Allam) try to keep Speed down after he refuses to sign with Royalton Industries. “You walk away from me, you walk away from this deal, no matter how well you drive, you won't win, you won't place. I guarantee you right now you won't even finish the race!” Allam delivers these sorts of lines with a spitting sneer that V For Vendetta fans will remember from his Sean Hannity-infused reading of Lewis Prothero.

Now this is the set-up for pretty much the first hour of the movie and it’s far from Speed Racer at its most exciting. It’s the preamble and it kind of ambles right up until the racing begins. Speed’s perilous chase through ‘The Crucible’ is an incredibly exciting sequence, very well done, but there are times it felt like I was watching MarioKart the movie. It’s got a lot of zip, I’ll say that much. It’s a colourful burst of manic energy accelerated thanks to some frantic editing. The kids will love it, their parents won’t.

The Wachowskis know how to work the adrenaline, but the emotional and topical resonance that the filmmakers are trying to create doesn’t quite work. There’s an undercurrent comment about the dangers of corporate control, the ever increasing suspicion that, in the future, multinationals will conspire to control all aspect of our lives, but I think this message will go over the heads of a lot of people; especially since the kids will badger their parents following the movie to take them to Wal-Mart to buy all the made in China toys.

And besides, only a few actors seem aware that they’re not (entirely) in a cartoon. Allam is one as he creates so much genuine revile for Royalton. Matthew Fox trades in Jack Shepard heroics for Racer X’s more ambiguous type of justice seeking and although I had guessed the secret identity of Racer X really far in advanced, my enjoyment of Fox’s take on the character wasn’t stifled. The other actor that seemed to know what they’re doing, surprisingly, was young Paul Litt as Spritle Racer, Speed’s younger brother. His reaction when first meeting Racer X is priceless. Plus, he manages to hold his own against a monkey. (Why do they have a monkey?)

Speed Racer isn’t bad, but it’s rather middle of the road. It really doesn’t offer anything new unfortunately and I have a felling that this may only appeal to kids and fans of the original anime. I will say though that if real life car racing featured bullet-proof bubble domes, flame-throwers, ejector seats and other gadgets I’d probably watch more NASCAR. Assuming you survive the visual stimulus, you’ll be left feeling that Speed Racer is only a little better than average.