Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but the Canadian Cock is back (Cock rock, that is), ie. Nickelback, who seem to be much too proud of how much backstage action they've been able to rouse. From track one I was at a loss as to how to proceed on a review tackling subjects I had very little interest in (women sucking their thumbs, men getting rowdy with their "balls out", relationships with high-demand call girls, etc.).

I began by meditating on a quote from their last album ("All The Right Reasons"): "We all just wanna be big rockstars". Then I hit the play button. By 2min14sec into "Something In Your Mouth" I flatlined.

Maybe we do all "just wanna be big rockstars", but I don't think we all want to hear who shook what in whose face and how much it cost them to do so. I'm just not sure I care about his various sexual escapades in the parking lot. I am sure, however, that if I must care about them, I would prefer a bit of variety in rhythm and axe (sound-wise, you understand). Did no one tell them that sometimes exploring sounds outside of "Silverside Up" can be a good thing?

Part of me is curious why there seems to be such a dichotomy of how women are profiled in their songs: Half feature jello bathers ("Next Go Round"), strippers ("Something In Your Mouth"), call girls ("Shakin' Hands"), tractor role-play (Also "Next Go Round"), and dirty spelling lessons ("S.E.X."); the other half feature wholesome, virgin-like ladies being yearned after as the elusive soulmate of dreams and fantasy ("Got To Be Somebody", "I'd Come For You" and "Never Gonna Be Alone"). Interspersed between all these tracks are Aesop-ian songs about drug abuse, living life to the fullest and finding true love (assuming you gave up the strippers?). If I had to pick a theme for "Dark Horse", I would call it "Confusion About What I Want: An Audio Diary".

Much as I respect Nickelback as one of the most driven Canadian bands out there (the indie marketing of their early days is legendary), I am at a loss as to why they are still so popular. I kind of thought take-it-off-and-get-it-on sleaze songs (erroneously balanced out by heart-on-my-sleeve ballads) died with the 80's. Hanna, AB still loves you, but I for one am losing patience.

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Favourite lines:

"I want you naked with your favorite heels on/ Slap John Deere across my ass/ And ride me up and down the lawn" ("Next Go Round")

"I gotta fist full of whiskey/ That bottle just bit me; That shit makes me/ Bat shit crazy" ("Burn It To The Ground")

"S is for the Simple Need/ E is for the Ecstasy/ X is just to mark the spot/ 'Cause that's the one you really want" ("S.E.X.")


Track Listing:

1. Something In Your Mouth
2. Burn It To The Ground
3. Gotta Be Somebody
4. I'd Come For You
5. Next Go Round
6. Just To Get High
7. Never Gonna Be Alone
8. Shakin' Hands
9. S.E.X.
10. If Today Was Your Last Day
11. This Afternoon