The gross-out gag film College begins with a rather ingenious credit sequence where the names of the cast and crew are scrawled on various walls, articles of clothing and other paraphernalia associated with high school. It was neat and I liked, but unfortunately it came to be the only residue of inspiration contained in this 90 minutes of so-called comedy; even the unrated version. And speaking of unrated versions I think there should be some kind of rule instated where you can’t make a big deal and call something unrated because it’s got a bunch of the same, stale jokes re-edited into the theatrical cut. There’s been entirely too much abuse of this system and it needs to stop.
But College has bigger problems frankly, and not just the fact that it’s an uninspired revisit of Animal House for what has to be like the thirtieth time. More egregious is that it seems that the makers of College took it upon themselves to create the unofficial prequel to Superbad. Because what are the three main characters – the sensitive Kevin (Drake Bell), the rancorous Carter (Andrew Caldwell) and the introverted Morris (Kevin Covais) – but carbon copies of Evan, Seth and McLovin. They’re high school geeks just looking for a good time and they think that a weekend touring a nearby college will be filled with booze, women and wildness, which of course it is, but for these guys it also means gross-out pranks, prat-falls and a life enlightening self-inventory.
Think of anything that could possibly be done to a person capable of embarrassment, whether it involves bodily fluids or social alienation, and it probably happened to these guys. Never in history, whether that’s film history or the real one, have three guys gone through so much to get so little. I think even the most sex-starved, sheltered teenage virgin would have to ask themselves if what they were put through by masochistic frat boys was worth the slim chance of being bare naked with girl? But naturally they don’t and they continue to put up with frat crap until they ultimately blame one and other for their social failure before making-up for the revenge montage.
And the pranks are so pedestrian at that. Super glue on the toilet seats? Compromising posters plastered across campus? Where’s the originality? What’s the point on being a socially inept nerd if you haven’t completely visualized the public deconstruction of the people that torment you? But that’s the problem with this movie: things just seem to proceed all too predictably. Even Verne Troyer, who cameos as himself, looks disgusted to be involved in this display; I, at least, hope that he was well paid for his trouble. The three leads do their best but it seems that their best stuff was preserved for the blooper reel. Now sitting here, trying to remember anything from the movie that might have made it even memorable, and all I can think about is how the biggest name in this movie is the guy that played Mini-Me, and how ironic that is.
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