LUCIDMEDIA

Looking Back: The First Transformers and G.I. Joe Movies

Written by Adam A. Donaldson Wednesday, 24 June 2009 15:33

If there were a My Little Pony Movie in the works to come out some time in the next year, the trifecta would by complete. In the mid-80s, having dominated the realm of the Saturday Morning Cartoon, the makers of Transformers, G. I. Joe and My Little Pony, the toy line as well as the animation studios, decided to get ambitious. Each franchise put together their own 2-hour film, but then someone got really ambitious, and wanted to turn them into theatrical release.

Transformers The Movie was released on August 8th, 1986, two months after the My Little Pony movie made it to the big screen. So if you’ll forgive the pun, the release of Transformers The Movie was a transformative experience for kids my age in grade school and were Transformaniacs.

The big deal: several Transformers, both good and bad, were killed off in the film, including, according to rumours at the time, Optimus Prime. In trying to explain to my mother why I had to see this movie, I emphasized that fact particularly. My mom was un-swayed saying that that was silly because robots can’t die, they’re machines. In retrospect it was a fair point, but when you’re 8 it’s simply another case of “parents just don’t understand.”

Transformers The Movie also boasted some rather large voice talents, which although didn’t matter to me at the time, has come to be of some interest in the years since. It’s not exactly Shrek, but the names were definitely recognizable: Judd Nelson (The Breakfast Club) as Hot Rod, Robert Stack (host of Unsolved Mysteries) as Ultra Magnus, Leonard Nimoy (the original Mr. Spock) as Galvatron and Lionel Stander, at the time best known as the Micro Machinex Man, as Blurr. Transformers The Movie was also the final film for Orson Welles, who died only five days after completing the recording of his part. I was talking to a filmmaker friend the other day about how sad it was that Citizen Kane went out playing a transforming robot planet. Yeah, he said, but at least he finished his work before dying,

As for the film, when I finally saw Transformers it was nearly wall to wall death and dismemberment right from the opening act when the Decepticons board an Autobot spaceship and slaughter (in humane, robot terms) the crew. It was enough to both enthral and terrify a second grader, but even then I wondered why the bad guys had been so restrained that whole time leading up to the movie. The reasons I learned later on, were economical. Hasbro, the maker of the Transformers toys, was looking to de-emphasize old stock and start pushing the new, nothing more complicated then that.

It was a similar rationale that drove the creation of G.I. Joe The Movie, although to a much lesser extent. Five new “Joes” are the focus of this film based on the so-called Real American Hero, while the new enemy is the monstrous legions of Cobra-La, a mythical race of lizard-like humanoid creatures hiding in the mountains of the Himalayas. Despite the laser weapons and the fact that the only ones that ever seemed to fall in battle were the faceless foot soldiers of Cobra, G.I. Joe did play to a kind of realism, which of course was forever shattered with the introduction of a man-bat and a guy with a snake tail for legs.

Like Transformers, G.I. Joe got an upgrade in voice talent. Don Johnson, then  a huge TV star thanks to Miami Vice, was Lt. Falcon, one of the new recruits and the more brash and arrogant younger brother of Joe-leader Duke. Burgess Meredith of Rocky and the 60s Batman fame was Golobulous, the aforementioned snake-man leader of Cobra-La who commands from a man-sized floating mushroom (which I’m sure wasn’t lost on kids years later as they watched this while high). Rounding out the cast was WWF superstar Sgt. Slaughter as himself, but as a G.I. Joe.

Deaths? Not really, maybe it was the traumatizing effect of the robot graveyard created in Transformers The Movie, but in the end, G.I. Joe The Movie, like the series, didn’t have many casualties. The one death that was supposed to occur, Duke’s, was changed in post-production to become a mere coma, although a few foreign versions still count it as a death. Oh, and Cobra Commander is transformed into a giant snake, but he comes back eventually. Also unlike the Transformers’ movie, the Joes never made it to the big screen. So-so box office and horrible critical reaction to Transformers and My Little Pony meant it was TV for G.I. Joe The Movie.

Re-watching these movies years later, long after the childhood fondness fades, what’s surprising is that they actually stand-up pretty well, at least technically speaking. The mecha inspired look of the then-new Transformers does occasionally clash with the older character designs, but the overall aesthetic created in the film is solid with depth and detail. Over on G.I. Joe, there wasn’t as great an opportunity for creative departure, but the opening sequence featuring a Joe thwarted Cobra attack on the Statue of Liberty is possibly one of the finest action sequences put to an American animated film. No joke.

Still, by and large, these are TV movies. Even Transformers, which was released on the big screen, has no qualms in either quality or storytelling about where it belongs. And the less said about Stan Bush and “The Touch,” the better. One of the most embarrassing parts of my childhood is once thinking that that song was awesome. Although in retrospect, I feel sorry for Bush because he is an accomplished guitarist and I’m not sure what role taking this gig had in preventing him to go further solo.

In the end, we’ve already seen one live action Transformers movie, so we kind of know what to expect from the sequel. G.I. Joe directed by Stephen Sommers is another story however. From the trailers it looks like The Matrix meets Iron Man, but its certainly got a wealth of acting talent to draw from on both the Joe side and the Cobra side. But whatever happens, the question now becomes: when will we see My Little Pony starring Kathy Bates as the evil witch Hydia and Dakota Fanning as the Ponies’ human friend. The Ponies will be CG, of course. Like Garfield: flawless.