The Awards Part 1 – The 2009 Razzies
Everyone knows about the Oscars because a big deal is made out of the ceremony and winners. The people that are given Razzies though aren’t usually so exuberant about making their, ahem, success known. But these honours are handed out yearly regardless since 1981. The Golden Raspberry Award Foundation (GRAF) decides who gets what award, and the membership of the foundation is open to anyone that applies. So with that power to the people spirit, I layout who I think should get raspberried this year.
Worst Picture
DISASTER MOVIE and MEET THE SPARTANS
THE HAPPENING
HOTTIE & THE NOTTIE
IN THE NAME OF THE KING: A DRAGON SEIGE TALE
THE LOVE GURU
I know from personal experience that trying to choose the worst thing overall on any list can be a struggle unequalled. Considering which of these films are the worst might tend to be matter of taste, but in my opinion, the award should go to the guys so bad that both the movies they made are nominated together in joint consideration.
AND THE RAZZIE GOES TO: Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans
Worst Actor
Larry the Cable Guy (WITLESS PROTECTION)
Eddie Murphy (MEET DAVE)
Mike Myers (THE LOVE GURU)
Al Pacino (88 MINUTES and RIGHTEOUS KILL)
Mark Wahlberg (THE HAPPENING and MAX PAYNE)
The Razzies especially love to take someone on the A list and bring them down to our level, like in the case of past winners Ben Affleck and Halle Berry. So this year, I think that Pacino and Wahlberg look like good choices for gold and silver, but when comparing past glories to 2008 fuster clucks, it’s Pacino that comes off the worse for ware. 
AND THE RAZZIE GOES TO: Al Pacino
Worst Actress
Jessica Alba (THE EYE and THE LOVE GURU)
The Cast of THE WOMEN (Annette Bening, Eva Mendes, Debra Messing, Jada Pinkett-Smith and Meg Ryan)
Cameron Diaz (WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS)
Paris Hilton (THE HOTTIE AND THE NOTTIE)
Kate Hudson (FOOLS’ GOLD and MY BEST FRIEND’S GIRL)
Paris Hilton seems like an obvious choice, and Jessica Alba has never failed to ingratiate herself to the foundation. But the Razzies do like to humiliate as many people as possible, so group nominations are a favourite. So advantage goes to Bening, Mendes, Messing, Pinkett-Smith and Ryan.
AND THE RAZZIE GOES TO: The Cast of The Women
Worst Supporting Actor
Uwe Boll (Uwe Boll’s POSTAL)
Pierce Brosnan (MAMMA MIA!)
Ben Kingsley (THE LOVE GURU, WAR, INC. and THE WACKNESS)
Burt Reynolds (DEAL and IN THE NAME OF THE KING: A DUNGEON SIEGE TALE)
Verne Troyer (THE LOVE GURU and Uwe Boll’s POSTAL)
Hmm, tough call. I’m not sure why Brosnan was singled out for Mamma Mia he's the only nominee from that film here. Another interesting omission is that Verne Troyer didn’t get a nod for College amongst the other two films listed. But I’ve got to think that Uwe Boll’s three second appearance in his own crummy film is a temptation too good for Razzie voters to ignore.
AND THE RAZZIE GOES TO: Uwe Boll
Worst Supporting Actress
Carmen Electra (DISASTER MOVIE and MEET THE SPARTANS)
Paris Hilton (REPO: THE GENETIC OPERA)
Kim Kardashian (DISASTER MOVIE)
Jenny McCarthy (WITLESS PROTECTION)
Leelee Sobieski (88 MINUTES and IN THE NAME OF THE KING)
I never thought I’d be the one to have to defend Paris Hilton, but she doesn’t deserve to be on this list for the role she’s nominated for. Hottie and the Nottie? Absolutely, take it to school. But not Repo. Never Repo. So who else do we have? Well, Leelee Sobieski can still be saved, but Jenny McCarthy and Carmen Electra seem beyond salvageable. The two of them have been on this list before, and they will be again. I think this prize will go to future, repeated Razzie nominee and reality star Kim Kardashian.
AND THE RAZZIE GOES TO: Kim Kardashian
Worst Screen Couple
Uwe Boll & ANY Actor, Camera or Screenplay
Cameron Diaz & Ashton Kutcher (WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS)
Paris Hilton and either Christine Lakin or Joel David Moore (HOTTIE & THE NOTTIE)
Larry the Cable Guy & Jenny McCarthy (WITLESS PROTECTION)
Eddie Murphy IN Eddie Murphy (MEET DAVE)
Last year, Eddie Murphy set a record by swept the acting (dis)honours for his numerous parts in Norbit and there was no way that he could top that, right? How about playing the tiny Captain of spaceship shaped like Eddie Murphy? Brilliant! Murphy’s practically an Ig Nobel scholar when it comes to making movie crap. It just isn’t a year at the Razzies without Murphy.
AND THE RAZZIE GOES TO: Eddie Murphy
Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel
THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL
DISASTER MOVIE and MEET THE SPARTANS
INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL
SPEED RACER
STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS
This a really tough category; which one of these high profile blockbusters can garner the most hate from Razzie voters? Star Wars and Indiana Jones may split the Lucas haters, while I don’t think anyone’s squandered too much thought on what the Razzie committee lovingly calls “The Day The Earth Blowed Up Real Good.” Ignoring the dual spoofs, that leaves the Wachowski Brothers’ narratively underwhelming, but visually overwhelming, version of Speed Racer.
AND THE RAZZIE GOES TO: Speed Racer
Worst Director
Uwe Boll (1968: TUNNEL RATS, IN THE NAME OF THE KING: A DRAGON SIEGE TALE and POSTAL)
Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer (DISASTER MOVIE and MEET THE SPARTANS)
Tom Putnam (THE HOTTIE AND THE NOTTIE)
Marco Schnabel (THE LOVE GURU)
M. Night Shyamalan (THE HAPPENING)
Despite being nominated practically year after year, Uwe Boll, along with Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, seem to not get the message and somehow keep making movies. Schnabel and Putnam are newbies; it was the first film for one and the first high-profile picture for the other. Who would have guessed the kind of filmmaker James Cameron would become by watching Piranha 2? Sorry, M. Night, but I’m afraid your turn’s come around.
AND THE RAZZIE GOES TO: M. Night Shyamalan
Worst Screenplay
DISASTER MOVIE and MEET THE SPARTANS Both Written By Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer
THE HAPPENING Written By M. Night Shyamalan
HOTTIE & THE NOTTIE Written By Heidi Ferrr
IN THE NAME OF THE KING: A DRAGON SIEGE TALE Screenplay By Doug Taylor
THE LOVE GURU Written By Mike Myers & Graham Gordy
It’s so hard to choose which grammatical mutilation can truly descend the depths and be called the lowest of the low. Or to put it another way, how can you quantify what makes terrible writing? Is it the strained and tired jokes attempted to be passed off as original? Is it a scary movie based on a laughable conceit? Is it a vanity project made to suit the vainest of people working in showbiz? Or is it a cheap Lord of the Rings rip-off based on a video game? But maybe it’s the script that uses the name ‘Mariska Hargitay’ as a quasi-Hindu greeting and then features a cameo by that actress without an ounce of shame. In that case, we have a winner
AND THE RAZZIE GOES TO: Mike Myers & Graham Gordy for The Love Guru
Worst Career Achievement (Special Category!)
Uwe Boll (Germany’s Answer to Ed Wood)
That’s a little inaccurate given the fact that Wood never had access to the kind of budgets, acting talent, or publicity that Boll has. Regardless, this is probably the only award for career recognition that Boll will get. Unless, of course, he’s ever honoured by all the German business people he’s made a mint for because they invested in his spectacular failures. Maybe he should be getting some kind of investment prize.
AND THE RAZZIE GOES TO: German tax loopholes
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