10 Commandments for Cinema Etiquette
But at some point during Benjamin Button, and this is where things get a little dicey, the three teens with Lomax started getting a little out of hand with some loud talking. A man in front of them – not Cialella – tried to shush them to no avail. “We can’t laugh?” asked Lomax sarcastically, which prompted a second man to throw popcorn at the family. At this point a semi-brawl erupted.
This is where Cialella enters the story, he was the second guy. During the scuffle, Cialella drew a .380-calibre gun from the waste band in his pants and shot Lomax in the left arm, sending Lomax to the hospital with a broken arm and sending Cialella to jail on $350,000 bond. In Cialella’s defense: "He's a marksman," said his lawyer Greg Pagano. "If he wanted to shoot to kill, he would have."
Touché Mr. Pagano. But the unintended consequence of this wanted act of aggravated assault and reckless endangerment had the unintended consequence of turning Cialella into a kind of folk hero. After all, the rudeness of people in the cinema is something that we always talk about, and might even be sometimes guilty of, but never has an incident escalated to firing your concealed weapon at a talker. And for that matter, what was he doing with a concealed weapon at the movie theatre?
Well, if anything, this incident has started a national debate on the subject of what is, and what is not, acceptable movie theatre etiquette. Gathered from my years of frequent cinema-going experience I humbly offer the following list of at-the-movies dos and don’ts where if you play it right and follow them, you won’t get shot.
1) The start time for the movie is posted in advanced; so if you’re late, try and be as unobtrusive as possible
Movie theatres have websites, printed calendars, newspaper listings, all of which are conveniently available so that you know at precisely what time a movie begins so that you can plan your travel accordingly. Now, sometimes stuff happens. Traffic can range from bad to terrible, line-ups are longer than expected or maybe you just lost track of time playing Dance, Dance Revolution. If such is the case, I offer two pieces of advice: if you walk in after the movie’s started, keep your voice down to a whisper and don’t spend five minute talking amongst yourselves about where you’re going to sit, especially when seating is limited. Is it necessary that you all sit together during the movie? Are you going to be doing a lot of talking or the next 90 minutes? Well, I hope not, but you’ll learn why if you keep reading.
2) Unless thou art a doctor, policeman or international leader, turn your cell phone off
You see that notice at the beginning of the film that says turn off your cell-phone? Yeah, they mean you too. It’s easily the biggest complaint almost everyone has had about going to the theatre, and not just the movie type; I was at a matinee at the Stratford Festival this past summer and somewhere a cell-phone went off seven times before intermission. Unless you carry a badge or a med school diploma, there’s no conceivable reason why your phone can’t at least be on vibrate for a couple of hours. And if the call is important enough to take, by all means have the good grace to excuse yourself. As for everyone else, I don’t care that your buddy wants to know how the movie is, and I sure as shoot don’t care about what you’re doing after the movie.
3) The light from you cell-phone is distracting, don’t use it
This is sort of an extension of commandment number two, but a problem that’s becoming so pervasive it deserves a spot in its own right. Now, theoretically, if the sound’s off, than your phone’s not bothering anyone, right? See that little light that catches your attention out of the corner of your eye in the darkened theatre? Well, that’s the LED screen of somebody’s cell phone or Blackberry. They’re probably texting someone and talking about the movie or making post-movie plans. Annoying, isn’t it? It got so bad at the Toronto International Film Festival this year that organizers had to make a special point of mentioning it before screenings. Even in movie theatres, there’s such a thing as light pollution.
4) No talking
Let’s be clear: I don’t care if you recognize an actor. I don’t care if they been in something you’ve either really liked or really hated before. During the trailers, I don’t care what you’re interested or not interested in seeing coming soon to this theatre or possibly another near you. And if I want a commentary track, I’ll wait for the DVD and listen to someone with a little more authority. Your opinions matter very little to me because I’m a smart guy and I have opinions of my own. Just save them for the lobby, where I, or anyone else, don’t have to bask in any of your so-called pearls of wisdom; that’s what your friend is there for.
5) The give films ratings for a reason – use them
Few things bother me more than going into an R-rated movie and seeing kids younger than 18 sitting there. There was a family of four sitting behind me in Aliens Vs. Predator: Requiem, and you better believe that there was a full bolt in progress when the whole human women birthing Aliens scene got underway. Before that I was going into Underworld: Evolution behind a father with three young boys, none of whom were over the age of 10. What gets me is that many of these same people that take their kids into age-inappropriate movies, are the ones that complain about the film ratings system not being specific enough. And considering that the industry practically bends over backwards to quell the complaining of parents’ groups that say not enough information about the content of films is provided, one questions on these occasions why we even have a ratings system at all.
6) If you know that you’re going to be getting up and down, don’t sit in the middle of the row
For some strange reason, it’s usually the people that are up and down like a yo-yo that insist on sitting in the middle of the row, and that’s even when there are still seats on the outside. This goes especially for young kids that can’t seem to go ten minutes without a trip to the bathroom, but I forgive because they’re young and bladder control is still a new concept. No, what I hate the most is people that come in, sit down, have to go the concession counter, come back, sit down and have to go back out to get a straw or something before coming back, noticing another group of friends and having to visit them, all before the curtain’s raised.
7) Don’t talk about spoilers anywhere near the theatre
In the summer of 1999, I stood in line for a little movie called The Sixth Sense; there was a lot of buzz about a certain twisted ending and I had made it this far without knowing the who and what. So naturally, the gaggle standing in front of me couldn’t help but do some speculating as to what the final reel would reveal, which prompted me to swiftly stick my fingers in my hear and hum a jaunty tune. Now talking about a movie at a movie theatre is only natural, but some due consideration in terms of the volume of your voice in relation to others and the subject matter you’re discussing can’t hurt. And the same goes in exiting the theatre too. For instance, if the year’s 1980, don’t leave The Empire Strikes Back saying excited exclaiming how you couldn’t believe that Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker’s father. Congratulations, you would have just made enemies for life and ruined the biggest cinema shocker since Anthony Perkins tried to knife Vera Miles wearing his mother’s dress.
8) Keep your feet off the furniture
I realize that with the proliferation of home theatres, the social divides between personal behaviour in your own house and public behaviour at the movie theatre aren’t what they used to be. But honestly, just because the seat in front of you is empty it does not mean that you can use that seat as your own personal ottoman. I’ve got to tell you, I’ve been in a lot of multiplexes and I have never been at such a loss for comfort that I’ve wanted to drape my legs over the back of the seat in front of my like some kind of ad hoc recliner. You want discomfort while watching a movie? Well I’ve taken in films sitting in church pews. If you think sitting in a padded seat big enough to fit a sea lion and complete with cup holder is an experience in discomfort, trying parking your but on solid wood for two hours.
9) Save seats; not rows
You know what I love? Finding myself near the back of a line going into a film, entering the theatre and seeing a row of empty seats high up in the back, only to get their and find out that one person’s been sent ahead by their “friends” to save good seats because they’re “running late.” At first I always feel sorry for the schlub that’s sacrificed on the alter of public disdain for agreeing to this travesty, but then I remember that they’re an enabler that’s just perpetuating the vicious cycle. Same rule goes for lines. There’s nothing worse than waiting in a ticket holders line when one person parts the way for a dozen of their closest friends to cut-in five minutes before showtime. It’s nice for the few that travel in packs, but for those of us that operate alone, or maybe in groups of two or three, it shows a complete lack of respect for not just us, but also you because clearly, everyone else but you in your group is the dominant one. Unless you draw straws, of course. Either way, saving more than a couple of seats at time just feels rude.
10) Clean up after yourself
I know that the theatre staff come in after the show and pick up after you, but isn’t there something rather unseemly about simply leaving all your trash behind you? If you go over to a friend’s house, they’ll clean-up after you go home, but does that mean you just leave dirty dishes on the floor for someone else to pick up? I didn’t think so. From half-filled popcorn bags and candy wrappers to fry cups and empty sodas, I see it all the time: people pig out and leave their garbage at their feet despite the fact there’s a perfectly good trash usually sitting at the theatre door on the way out.
The lesson is simple: manners don’t cost, they’re free. So what do you possibly have to lose by observing a little courtesy? Well, except full use of your left arm, maybe.
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