The Dog Days of Winter
January 9th
Bride Wars (20th Century Fox)
Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway face-off in a battle royale to see which one will get to have their ideal wedding in the Plaza Hotel in New York. Spoiler alert: they stay friends in the end when they realize how stupid this plot is.
The Unborn (Rogue Pictures)
“Co-writer of The Dark Knight” David S. Goyer follows up The Invisible with a tale of a young woman (Odette Yustman) being haunted by the ghost/spirit/demon of her still-born twin brother. Gary Oldman co-stars as an exorcist or something, but the true buzz for this film has been generated by the movie poster which prominently features Yustman’s rear end.
January 16th
My Bloody Valentine 3D (Lionsgate)
Like Black X-Mas from a few years ago, this is a remake of a classic Canadian slasher film, but hopefully this one won’t, to use the vernacular, suck. But how can it, when My Bloody remake has the whole 3-D angle working for it, except that flames going out over the crowds thing in the commercials looks super-lame.
Paul Blart: Mall Cop (Sony)
It’s a comedy about an obese cop wannabe with delusions of being an actual policeman who finds himself on the spot when his beloved mall is taken over by high-tech gangsters. Kevin James plays Blart, following up his top notch work in I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry.
Notorious (Fox Searchlight)
Not a remake of the Alfred Hitchcock film, this is actually about the other Notorious named B.I.G. Jamal Woolard stars as Biggie Smalls, and yes, the film will deal with the East Coast/West Coast rivalry that led to the shooting death of both Biggie and Deathrow Records counterpart Tupac Shakur (played by Anthony Mackie).
Hotel for Dogs (Dreamworks)
Julia Robert’s adorable niece Emma leads a crew of Disney Channel alumni in a cross-city quest to save every stray dog they can and put them up in an abandoned hotel with all sorts of homemade amenities. But Nickelodeon knows kids (getting slimed at an award show anyone?), so it shouldn’t be boring anyway.
January 23rd
Inkhart (New Line Cinema)
In this latest fantasy book turned movie, Brendan Fraser plays Mortimer Folchart who has the ability to make things from the books he reads aloud come to life. The film’s name comes from a book within the book the movie’s based on, a magical kingdom that Mortimer and his daughter finds themselves stuck in.
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (Sony)
Finally, we’ll learn how the war between the vampires and werewolves got started. Practically everyone from Underworlds 1 & 2 are back except Kate Beckinsale, Scott Speedman and director Len Wiseman. Instead, the special effects guy from the first two movies is directing and Back-up Beckinsale Rhona Mitra will sport the leather cat suit in this prequel set in the Dark Ages.
Killshot (MGM/Weinstein)
If hearing that this film is a Elmore Leonard adaptation from the director of Shakespeare in Love isn’t enough to get you butt into a theatre seat, then maybe knowing that this film’s been sitting on the shelf since 2006 will. And dollars to donuts it’s probably just now being released because of the refractive shine of Mickey Rourke’s could-be Oscar.
January 30th
New in Town (Lionsgate)
A concept so old, this Winnipeg shot film could have applied for tax breaks under the Canadian Old Age Pension plan. Renée Zellweger plays a typical city girl dropped off to run a factory in the middle of nowhere Minnesota, and Harry Connick Jr. is the sensitive blue-collar slob she falls for.
The Uninvited (Paramount)
This remake of a 2003 Korean film is like Mommie Dearest meets The Grudge as a disturbed teen (Emily Browning) comes how to find her father (David Strathairn) shacked up with her dead mother’s former nurse (Elizabeth Banks). She’s evil, of course.
Taken (20th Century Fox)
It seems that Liam Neeson is trying on Jack Bauer’s big boy shoes playing an ex-intelligence agent that hunts down the kidnappers that took his daughter while she was vacationing overseas. The film was co-written and produced by Transporter creators Luc Beeson and Robert Mark Kamen.
February 6th
He’s Just Not That into You (New Line Cinema)
An all-star cast brings to life the movie based on the self-help book which was inspired by a stray line of dialogue from an episode of Sex & The City. This year’s “men can’t commit and women don’t know why” movie.
Coraline (Focus Features)
Whoever decided to combine the forces of Neil Gaiman and Henry Selick must be some kind of genius, or at least could be depending on how this adaptation of Gaiman’s novella turns out. This stop-motion fantasy is about a young girl named Coraline (voiced by Dakota Fanning) who finds a door to a parallel universe where everything’s the same, but also horribly different.
The Pink Panther 2 (MGM)
Steve Martin proves once again that money talks as he butchers the memory of Peter Sellers in the how-did-this-get-green-lighted sequel of the Pink Panther remake. This time other nationalities, beside the French, get butchered by American stereotypes.
Fanboys (Weinstein)
If you’ve been waiting for this film to come out, I wouldn’t save the date quite yet. If pattern holds true, it’ll probably be rescheduled for a summer of fall release in the next couple of weeks.
Push (Summit Entertainment)
Movers, Pushers, Watchers, Bleeders, Sniffers, Shifters, Wipers, Shadows, Stitchers are all subjects of pursuit by a sinister government agency out to capture people with super-abilities. So basically, it’s Heroes in Hong Kong.
February 13th
Friday the 13th (Paramount/New Line)
Like Rob Zombie’s re-imagining of Halloween, producer Michael Bay and director Marcus Nispel (both redid The Texas Chainsaw Massacre), borrow elements from the first four Fridays in order to mould something quasi-original. Bonus points for exploiting the release date.
Confessions of a Shopaholic (Touchstone)
Isla Fisher’s comedic chops are put to the test in an ill-timed story about a woman up to her neck in debt from excessive shopping that finds herself employed as a financial advice columnist at a New York magazine. Based on the “British chick lit” books The Secret Dreamworld of a Shopaholic and Shopaholic Abroad.
The International (Sony)
It’s Clive Owen versus the Evil Bank of Doom, which was started by evil bankers with the intent to fund evil. Sure to be the year’s feel good hit.
New York, I Love You (Palm Pictures)
I saw a working cut at the Toronto International Film Festival and thoroughly enjoyed it. And now I’ll be able to talk about. If you loved Paris, je t’aime, you’ll get a kick out of its Manhattan-set counterpart.
February 20th
Fired Up (Sony)
Remember in American Pie when Chris Klein’s character joins the choir to get close to Mena Suvari’s shy girl? Well, replace the choir with cheerleaders and spread that plot point over 90 minutes and you get Fired Up. Football players try to seduce girls by going to cheer camp. Which begs the question: when did football players lose their sex appeal? Is it because that guy on the Giants shot himself in the leg? Now there’s a football movie.
Youth in Revolt (Weinstein)
Michael Cera once again finds himself the odd man out as pursues the girl of his dreams only to find slack-jawed gawkers stand in his way.
Madea Goes to Jail (Lionsgate)
If Mickey Rourke can make a comeback, then why can’t Rudy from The Cosby Show? Keshia Knight Pulliam finds a watchful protector in fellow jailbird Madea in this latest entry in Tyler Perry’s success comedy franchise.
February 27th
Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (20th Century Fox)
Because you asked for it! Forget JCVD, this time you’ll tremble at the fists of fury of… Kristen Kreuk? Oh well, Neal McDonough, who’s currently playing crazy Dave on Desperate Housewives is M. Bison and Robin Shou trades Liu Kang’s headband for Gen’s kimono.
Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (Walt Disney Pictures)
George Stroumboulopoulos said that it was his intent to end 2008 without knowing which Jonas Brother is which. Well he says it was mission: accomplished, but with this new 3-D concert film from the band’s Burning Up Concert Tour can he escape the power of the pledge; chastity pledge, that is?
Assassination of a High School President (Yari Film Group)
In this Sundance hit from last year, a high school senior (Reece Thompson) finds himself sucked into a conspiracy involving a stolen SAT test, and everyone’s a suspect. Think Brick meets Election.
March 6th
Watchmen (Warner/Paramount)
This is a little, below the radar, independent film that nobody’s really heard of until now. It’s based on a graphic novel that had no cultural resonance at all. And because the material is so unpopular, there’s absolutely no chance that a studio pissing contest could delay its release. Absolutely no one is looking forward to seeing this film.
All About Steve (20th Century Fox)
I tried reading the description of this film, but I got bored after reading, “Crossword puzzle constructor Mary Horowitz (Sandra Bullock) is smart, pretty – and a natural disaster that shakes news cameraman Steve (Bradley Cooper) to the core.” Sounds like Forces of Nature all over again, and that’s not a compliment.
March 13th
Race to Witch Mountain (Disney)
Two creepy kids (AnnaSophia Robb and Alexander Ludwig) are really aliens trying to get home with the help of Dwayne Johnson’s frazzled cab driver. It’s one of those remakes that’s not really a remake movies, based sort of or wholly on the 1975 Disney film Escape to Witch Mountain.
The Horsemen (Lionsgate)
A widowed detective (Dennis Quaid) discovers a connection between himself and a series of serial murders linked to the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Sounds like Seven with half the sins, and maybe half the interest.
Sunshine Cleaning (Overture)
This is another 2008 Sundance favourite that sounds a lot like the intended film for the Smells like Little Miss Sunshine Award for 2008. It even co-stars Alan Arkin.
A Perfect Getaway (MGM)
Milla Jovovich and Steve Zahn play a honeymooning couple who find out that their Hawaiian tour guides, Timothy Olyphant and Kiele Sanchez, are really assassins. From David Twohy, this could be this year’s perilous vacation picture.
March 20th
Knowing (Summit Entertainment)
Nicolas Cage stumbles upon the apocalyptic math homework of a fifth grader from the 50s when a school’s time capsule is opened. It’s the Da Vinci Code for the 2012-set, and if it weren’t for the presence of director Alex Proyas (The Crow, Dark City), I might be concerned about Cage, his hair and his scenery-chewing hysterics.
Duplicity (Universal)
Clive Owen’s back, and this time he’s teaming up with Julia Roberts to play ex-spies and current lovers who are working security at opposing pharmaceutical companies. Complications arise when they try to do a little corporate espionage to in order to fill their own pockets by exploiting a medical innovation both companies want. This is Tony Gilroy’s directorial follow-up to Michael Clayton.
I Love You, Man (DreamWorks)
It seems this whole “Bromance” thing was inevitable. In this movie, a friendless man (Paul Rudd) goes on a series of man-dates to find a best man to stand-up with him at his wedding. Forgetting Sarah Marshall’s Jason Segel is the popular favourite to wear the tux.
This Side of the Truth (Warner)
Rick Gervais tries on the director’s cap while in front of the camera he plays a performer in an alternate reality where everyone tells the truth and reveals in the power of being the world’s first liar.
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