LUCIDMEDIA

2008 – A Year to Remember

Written by Adam A. Donaldson Friday, 19 December 2008 09:43

The Awards

Best Teaching Aid – “En-Ra-Ha:” a mnemonic device used to draw one’s sight and attention to a particular place during a lesson. See Happy Go Lucky for proper uses as relating to driving instruction.’

Best Back-handed Apology – Wesley Gibson to a mark before capping him through the sunroofs of their cars in Wanted

Best Soundtrack for a Horrible Movie – My Best Friend’s Girl: The Kooks, Johnny Cash, Etta James, Tommy James, Nina and Cars, of course.

Best Reasons Why Grey’s Anatomy Alums should Avoid Movies about Weddings – 27 Dresses starring Katherine Heigl and Made of Honor starring Patrick Dempsey

Most unfortunate, accidental use of a double negative – “I’m going to kill you all kinds of dead.” (The Spirit)

The “I Never Thought I’d Live to See the Day” Award – The release of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Prize for the Weirdest Locality since Twin Peaks – Winnipeg, Manitoba in Guy Maddin’s My Winnipeg.

The Sequel we Waited Longer to See than Film’s Existed – Hamlet 2

Best Metaphor – Eddie Murphy as a hollowed out metallic spaceship/puppet in Meet Dave.

Proof that Absence Doesn’t Always Make the Heart Grow Fonder – The X-Files: I Want to Believe

Pre-historic – 12,000 years ago, Neanderthals walked from Northern Europe (probably the Alps) to sub-Saharan Africa to rescue members of their village kidnapped by mercenaries employed by the last survivor of Atlantis to build a massive pyramid. And then they walked back with seeds having learned the wisdom of farming crops from an African tribe. Oh, and everyone spoke English. (10,000 B.C.)

Ancient China – Some white boy appears out of no where and helps the drunken immortal Old Hop and the Silent Monk defeat the despotic Jade Emperor by awakening the Monkey King. (The Forbidden Kingdom)

Tudor England – A really buff-looking King Henry VIII slept his way through the women of the British court, and they loved it. (The Other Boleyn Girl)

World War I – You couldn’t get a hot meal on the frontlines, but you could get hot sex. (Passchendaele)

The 1920s – An old guy and a young punk single-handedly created professional football. (Leatherheads)

World War II
*A stone head blessed and cursed a unit of African-American soldiers (Miracle at St. Anna)
*A cattle rancher saved a hundred mixed-race children after the Japanese attack on Darwin (Australia)
*Nazis loved art, and stealing art. (The Rape Of Europa)

Vietnam – If John F. Kennedy had lived, the Vietnam War probably would have never happened. (Virtual JFK)

1990s – Nothing to do but hang around and sell weed while listening to A Tribe Called Quest. (The Wackness)

2000s – George W. Bush is an unengaged, under-informed and non-authoritative leader, who before becoming President of the United States was a well known political hack with listless ambitions and a bit of a drinking problem. (W.)

The Future – A deadly virus will kill millions of people in Scotland and the survivors will divide themselves into two separate groups: the Road Warriors and the Dungeons & Dragons geeks. (Doomsday)